The Dealer Playbook
The Dealer Playbook

Episode · 5 months ago

Chris Voss: You Can Learn To Negotiate With Anyone

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

[REPLAY]

Chris Voss is an internationally-acclaimed negotiation expert, Masterclass instructor, best-selling author, and former FBI hostage negotiator. In this episode replay, Chris shares valuable insights about how anyone can learn to negotiate and create win/win scenarios in business and life.

What we discuss in this episode:

  • The importance of negotiation, and how to do it in a way that creates a win/win for all parties. 
  • Visual cues that will help you understand what someone else is feeling so that you can address their needs and serve them more effectively
  • Chris shares stories and anecdotes that help explain how anyone can learn to negotiation and how esepcially valuable negotiation is for car sales professionals to master

Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including your LinkedIn or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally!

Thanks, Chris Voss

If you enjoyed this conversation with Chris Voss, please let him know by clicking on the links below and sending him a message.

...the car business is rapidly changing and modern car dealers are meeting the demand. I'm Michael Cirillo and together we're going to explore what it takes to create a thriving dealership and life in the retail automotive industry join me each week for inspiring conversations with subject matter experts that are designed to help you grow. This is the dealer playbook. Yeah. Mhm. You can learn to effectively negotiate and effectively communicate. Yeah, 1000%. I mean a couple of separate issues on the argument E Q versus I. Q. This is an EQ skill and there are those that argue that we can continue to build our EQ throughout our lives. Daniel Coyle wrote an interesting book called The Talent Code and coil, pretty much contends that any skill is learning bubble if you put in the time. So yeah, you can learn it if you put in the time. Yeah. What led you from being the FBI and doing this successfully for as long as you did to then where you're at now where you're working with business leaders and businesses and organizations to teach them these skills in the process of trying to get better as an FBI hostage negotiator, I wanted to look for other areas to get better from outside of law enforcement. And so I approached the guys at the Harvard at Harvard Law School to Harvard program on negotiation and said, hey, you guys want to collaborate and as far as they were concerned, the hostage negotiators, you know, kind of a singing and dancing monkey. They were happy to come and see if I could sing and dance. And so, you know, I got up there and brilliant people up there, very smart pushing negotiations forward and they were just starting to scratch the surface on emotional intelligence as a negotiation skill and they said, look, you're doing the same stuff we're doing, it's exactly the same. Dynamics, problems, issues, stresses the context is different, but the problems are the same. And so when I went through there as, as a student in our exercises, I mean, I was slaughtering the Harvard Law School students, which it was no, I got no one to pleasure out of that, not being smart enough to ever have gotten into Harvard Law School in the first place. It was, it was at the light and on top of that, not only were they smarter than me, but I always loved beating lawyers than anything that had to do with words. Anyway, so there was no shortage of benefits there. Right? And so, you know, when I think of your book, uh never split the difference, which we're gonna be giving away copies of to those that are listening, uh, stay tuned for the end of the episode, I'm gonna tell you how you can get your hands on a copy of that book, but it's really about getting away, I'm gonna I'm gonna give I'm gonna give away too loyal...

...listeners Yes, can you believe it? Who am I? Who is this guy? I know, uh now we're also going to include a link for those that don't qualify for the free free cup. Yes. Um, but you know, one of the things that I love about your book is that it's really, you know, I think of it as this like tactical field guide because you can almost turn to any page in that book and go, okay, uh, you know, now I'm thinking about this a little bit differently, but you really kind of get a sense of, you know, as I read through the pages, I kind of got a sense of, oh man, there's a lot of things in my business and my organization and my communication that I could improve upon. But I'm curious to know from your vantage point what are as you're working with all these businesses and speaking and consulting what are some of the common challenges you see facing that organizations face or businesses face? And maybe one or two things that they could do after listening to this to really go and start improving their situation. The most common challenge really is the yes addiction like people, so many people are crackheads for. Yes, I mean they're just, and it's the only thing they want to hear and they are scared of hearing anything else and they're scared to let the other side talk because the other side might say no or the other side might, you know, I mean, it's just crazy people get so focused on. Yes, they get complete tunnel vision, You know what one of our, one of our sayings, one of the rules that we live by is never be so sure of what you want, that you wouldn't take something better. Mm Well if you're so focused on yes, you are never going to see anything better. You know, you're gonna do your homework, you're gonna, you run all these games in your head, you run, you know, you run rackets in your head, you run all sorts of crazy outcomes in your head, muslim or negative and then you just gotta talk, you gotta pitch, you're really afraid of what the other side has to say. It's if you can get out of that, your negotiation ability will leap forward exponentially is there is there such a thing as going too far in the opposite direction? Where, I mean, you see a lot of businesses and specifically car dealerships, retail dealerships where uh they're almost a no culture. Like nothing is welcome. It's like my way or the highway, is there, is there too far? You can go in that direction. Is there a happy middle ground or what's your take? It's another version of being, having tunnel vision being inflexible of being so sure of what you want to you and take something better? Right? So, you know, you got and one of one of the realities of the situation, which is hard for a lot of people who realizes there's always a better deal to be had. There's always a better deal no matter how smart you are. I mean Warren Buffett, one of smartest dudes on the planet, he goes to the table and...

...the first thing he does is shut up and then he shuts up some more because as smart as he is, as much as he reads, as much research as he and his team do, he knows the other side is always in possession of information that he doesn't have and he wants to find out what it is because he knows it's going to change his calculations. And so that's why the first smart move is to shut up. The other side is dying to talk. Anyway, let them talk, find out what they know, find out how you can make the deal better. It kind of reminds me, I think I was watching, oh shoot and I can't remember what video it was, you were doing a presentation and you were talking about an experience, you had walking into a bar With three of your other hostage negotiator colleagues. And there was a guy there that basically said, you know, you're not sitting here, I'm gonna beat you up or something like that and you guys basically turn that entire situation around by just deploying some simple, essentially showing and demonstrating your willingness to listen to this guy and he just basically became an open book and first of all, I'm glad you finish that story because the story of me walking into a bar as are a lot of stories you got to get a lot more specific than that. Well I'm glad at first I was like, oh crap did I just, I just killed the punchline, but you know, I think I can't remember who said it, but but one of the, one of the most valuable things I think I've learned in in sales is exactly what you just said, which is you have two years and one mouth used them proportionately well and you know, somebody even refined that for me one time fairly recently and I wish I would have thought this up, But really you got two ears, two eyes and a nose, so you should be listening, observing five times as much as you talk, not twice as much as you talk because you know, they're going to give you visual cues, You read the person's body language while you're talking and the nose, that's you know, that's kind of your instinct. I mean the accumulation of all your senses, your intuition, your observations of micro um cues and clues that you get that you might not be completely aware of in the moment, but you're starting to get a gut instinct feeling. And so yeah, you should really really start to rely on your gut instinct and then then the issue is how do you properly deal with it after that, which is what we tell people. And well you said I love the description of the book. It's an actionable field guy because that's exactly what it is. Yeah. And I mean listen, when when those of you listening get your hands on this, you're going to go, oh crap, where has this been my whole life? It really does. I got that sense. I was like, oh man, like this is just everything about this is just makes so much more more sense. And I start thinking of things differently and to your point even now refining my my belief this whole time about two years and one mouth using proportionately. I'm thinking even now in different perspective of how I can bring more to...

...the table when when in a negotiation. But it's interesting because especially in the car industry, there's this this sometimes black cloud that hangs over the industry as a whole because people don't like the negotiation process. And so it kind of becomes this one sided thing where it's we know customer doesn't want to negotiate and we because we know that we keep trying to come up with different things to say different things to do different things, but it's really just us doing all the talking to try and get in front of their apprehensive nous, you would suggest try and figure out how to turn that around. Let them do the talking figure out how to open them up. Absolutely get the other side Talking to people get apprehensive because they envision an argument. A fight about conflict and this book and this style is really about getting on the same side with the person that you're interacting with because in point of fact, why are the two of you talking? You're talking? Because you're both faced with different aspects of a of the same problem. So in fact a better outcome will come from a great collaboration and as soon as you can transform your thinking from battle to collaboration, then that begins to transform how you approach it. Why do we as organizations though? I mean, what is it about us that causes us to just want to be kind of more in an offensive play than anything else? Well, it's it's not just organizations, it's people. I mean, we're wired to be worried about combat. We're wired to be to be negative, which is going to cause us to think about combat. I mean the wiring that's in our brain from the caveman days, you know, most people have heard of the amygdala and they refer to the Amygdala hijack or when you see red or whatever, whatever any of these things are. The wiring that was given to us. However many years ago we crawled out of the ocean and became a species was designed to keep us alive and it had to be overly negative. That wiring is still there when in fact we actually live in an abundant positive world, but we can't get away from our caveman reactions. Mm right. We're heart fixed beliefs and hard wiring. Right, right. Which requires a relatively consistent but not complicated effort to overcome. And then you you build the habit of consistently overcoming that wiring. Then in a short period of time, roughly three weeks of consistent application, then you overcome it. And that goes back to the, what is it, the average amount of time it takes to make or break a habit, You know, And there's some, there's some now that we have neuroscience, there's some wiring explanation behind that. It's the number of times you fire a neural synapse to create a good, solid, solid...

...wiring connection and then then it does require maintenance after that. It's like putting a rocket ship into orbit. It does not as much effort required to keep it in orbit, but there is some effort required or you fall out sure. Now this makes me as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking about a couple of different things you've said. So being mindful of just human behavior, reading signs, reading body language, uh, you know, paying attention to I guess self awareness, paying attention to what feelings you're getting or what you're picking up on. So there's that you also mentioned Warren buffet as it pertains to negotiations and creating a better deal how he would sit and listen in order to extract all of the information or data that he needed to make good decisions or make a good deal happen. But but what does that really look like? So, so if you're walking into a room where you know it's a business meeting where you're walking into a hostage negotiation with a terrorist, I mean is there a starting point? Is there a way for you to kind of manifest your expectations? Or or do you just kind of hope that by sitting down and listening things will go your way you want to demonstrate right off the bat that you're there to listen and you want to extract information in a way that doesn't feel like they're you're extracting information and it's a little bit different approach? It's getting it's actually getting away from questions, I'm going to give you a line, an opening line that you could put you could use in a business deal, you could use in a discussion with your spouse. And I'm not drawing any analogies here, but you can use it with a terrorist as well. Right? No analogy between spies and terrorists, anybody runs off in that direction. All I can say is it's on you. But Amanda disclaimer disclaimer, imagine this if you say seems like you've given this a lot of thought, who could you not say that too. Mm? It even got me thinking Uh huh seems like you've given who could you not say that to? Yeah. Could you very specifically designed statement word for word. Each word is designed to have a specific type of impact on your brain and on your emotional intelligence overall, that statement is not going to cause you to put your guard up, Which is step one. Now we're interacting. I'm interacting with you in a way. It's not only is it not going to put your guard up? It's a great indicator that I'm actually interested in hearing what you have to say, which is going to begin to develop a working relationship right off the bat. You're...

...collaborative. Uh circuits are firing. You're feeling as a potential collaboration here. You're not feeling judged in any way, shape or form. You're not feeling like I'm conning you because in no way shape or form am I agreeing or disagreeing? I'm actually displaying curiosity, which is people are drawn to genuine curiosity for me being curious about what your perspective is. Again, it doesn't indicate I'm not trying to say I'm your friend. I'm not trying to say I'm your enemy. I mean the middle ground right in between which is really where great deals are made because there's tremendous authenticity there interesting and it's got me I've just been taking notes ferociously because you're right as you were saying all of this. I'm like huh there's really no way to dispute that. You're on my terms. Yeah. Like you've just met me in the middle. Now for those that haven't read the book yet explained the concept of never split that. Like what do you mean by never split the difference. Okay, splitting the difference is um, is either trap or a circular death spiral. So let's go with the trap part to begin with. There's an old saying in negotiations. The person who offers to meet you in the middle is usually a poor judge of distance. Okay. Yeah. So the cutthroat negotiators, the people that anchor high, let's say I want to pay $100 for something And that's where I went in up. You're asking 150, I want to pay 100. I'm gonna say, look, I'll give you, I'll give you 50 or I'll walk away right now if I wanted to pay 100 all along, we'll go back and forth a little bit. I'll make a show of protest, I'll do the flinches, I do that crazy stuff that they teach and some of those ridiculous seminars and now I'll say, I'll tell you what, why don't we split the difference. I'll give you 100 and you'll, and you'll feel gratified. You feel like it was fair. You feel like somehow we made a great deal together and for me it was a con all along and this happens to us all the time because you know, the cutthroat negotiators typically will be in a company and somebody that's not in the training session will seek me out at in the cafeteria and they'll say, hey, I hear you're here and I hear you're teaching people that uh you know, don't win, win and don't split the difference and they'll say I do win, win negotiations and I split the difference all the time and I'll say it and now I'm smelling this guy's a shark, I already know it. Yeah, well, you know, the negotiator offers to meet you in the middle is usually a poor judge of distance and they'll start, they'll act like I caught them with their hand in the...

...cookie jar and I go, yeah, you know, I always just ask for about twice as much as I want so that I can offer to split the difference, say it's a win win and I get what I want to walk away. It's a complete con, right? So let's problem, want to split the difference problem to split the difference. Danny Kahneman won the Nobel Prize in 2002 for something called Prospect Theory, Nobel prize and behavioral economics because this is how all human beings are wired all human beings A L L doesn't matter if you're african asian latino western european, you know, arctic Eskimo, it doesn't matter, lost things twice as much as an equivalent game And actually, you know when, which means if you lose $5, you're gonna feel like you gave up 10 and I remember reading watching an interview that Professor Kahneman gave at one point in time, he said, you know, Amos and I, when we thought this up, it's not twice as much, it's five times as much. We just wanted fewer arguments from our colleagues. So we lowered the number twice as much. So it's actually more than that. What does that mean? If we meet in the middle, I'm not going to feel that I met you in the middle. My skewed version because I'm a human being is that I gave up twice as much as I got. Even if it was a complete total exchange of value now, because I feel like I gave up double what I actually gave up. I'm going to be resentful and spiteful and I'm gonna try and pay you back. Revenge is a dish best served. Cold. Right? I'm gonna I'm gonna wait for my opportunity to pay you back. Now. As soon as I pay you back, you're gonna feel stunned. What was fair about that? What are you doing? What are you doing reneging on the deal? What are you doing going sideways now? The other side is mad. And that's why it becomes a death spiral. You know, there was this uh there's an old cartoon about a husband and a wife. It was called the lock horns. Somebody shared that with me um just a couple of weeks ago. And it's it's from like the 1970s. I don't know. But the caption was a husband, wife we're talking and the husband says, why don't we split the difference, then we'll both be unhappy. Yeah. Right, lose lose times four. Yeah. And then what happens with lose, lose, what happens to your long term business relationships? What happens with your desire to collaborate with that person when the opportunity's come up? Because if they're in, if you dealt with somebody wants, they're in your environment, they're in your universe there in your monetary ecosystem, you're gonna again, you're going to see them again. And it's funny too because you know, as you say that I can think of individuals who I'm just like, man, I I I tried forever to get into their books and now I wish they'd just lose my phone number, you know, uh and it's really that kind...

...of scenario where I go, oh man. And it's going to be, it would be very difficult at this point in time for them to shift their perception that I have of them based on how they dealt with me. Whether it was too forceful, whether it was this con essentially that they were trying to get me to do things they wanted and you know, meeting in the middle and all this. And it wasn't really a reality at all that residue just doesn't go away. No, it doesn't. I mean even after and I'll be totally honest, some of them have had their come to jesus and I've turned my life to God and all these sorts of things and you're still, there's still this piece of me that's just like ah but have you, have you. And so I agree with you. The residue there is is pretty insane. And so, you know, I love what you're saying about uh and you talk about you talk about this in the book, right? So uh right back to the the word track that you gave us of basically, how do you how do you essentially say it? It's like I love the word tactical, I don't know why, but it's basically tactical empathy. Uh just the idea of like you said, I'm not agreeing with you, I'm not necessarily agreeing with you and I'm not necessarily on your side, but just displaying genuine curiosity uh means that I'm positioning myself to not have to um to not have to con you into getting my way, because then that means I want and you lost essentially. Right? And you know, there's there's two problems with that approach which a lot of people do Con number one, the con is gonna wear off and they're gonna wake up my way, they're gonna resent that, you know, and and so if it's not a collaborative interaction where they contributed, they got no ownership, they've got no ownership, it's your way and they're going to resent it. So if I may go back to a little bit because I'm really happy that you picked up on a word tactical and the real reason that we put that in there as part of our definition is nearly every negotiation book out there was written before, we actually knew how to the brain work via neuroscience, like the neuroscience data that we have now. It's not that old. It's we started getting solid neuroscience data probably about 2012, relatively recently, where we can see how the brain actually works in our application of this thing called empathy. What is this thing? Empathy is based on, we know how the brain works and if you know how it works, if you've been given a roadmap to not just the interplay of emotions and thinking, but how to dial certain things up and dial certain things down, principally dialing down negativity. Let's use it tactically. If we understand how it works, let's just let's just use our understanding and that's why we use the...

...word tactical. So and it's in it and it's in that empathy because I feel like sometimes we maybe miss misappropriate how empathy. What happened is exactly we think it's this like um subservient. Oh I'm empathizing with Oh I I understand you know that's at least that's maybe I'm just the weird one, but that's kind of the way it always feels like you hear a lot of business leaders on stage and they're like empathy wins the day. And then you hear them explain empathy and you're like, hi you you basically described sympathy. But empathy. So as it pertains to you in your field, from your vantage point, what really is empathy and and because I mean it really is basically in the word track you gave us as it pertains to the book. That is that's an empathetic play. But there but it's for a reason. Yeah. Well empathy is the demonstration of understanding in particular aspects of that understanding that might be negative towards us. You begin to look fearless when you acknowledge the negativity towards you. It's the it's the operational implementation of cubbies, guidance from way back Stephen Covey seek first to understand then be understood. All right. So it's not just understanding but demonstrating what you perceive that understanding to be. And so that's a two millimeter shift. It's a demonstration of understanding which means there's no attachment, there's no judgment, there's no agreement, there's no disagreement. I can understand where you're coming from without agreeing or disagreeing. Daniel Goleman wrote a book called Focus, I think 20, it's either 2012 or 2009. And one of his chapters in a gold mine of course, the guy who coined the phrase of emotional intelligence, one of his chapter's called the empathy triad. The three types of empathy and he defines one type is cognitive empathy, which is just darn close to exactly what we're talking about here and it's just a complete and total understanding of where someone is coming from. Not adopting their emotions in any way, shape or form. But being completely aware of them. You don't have to adopt them to be aware of them. And if you could do that then empathy becomes an unlimited skill, okay? Which is so, oh man, it's so valuable. Especially in today's at least North America's social climate where you're either right or you're wrong and there's no, there's not even a middle, there's not even any place for us to meet on common ground. There is just you are nuts or you're crazy and we have this big back and forth where what you're saying is basically, and I can only imagine actually, I can't even imagine some of the situations that you found yourself in and negotiating things as as an FBI...

...agent where if you were to absorb their feeling and and start to agree with what they were feeling, um you'd be a pretty messed up dude. Yeah, it's just it's just insane. That's an insane approach to try to absorb and agree. Yeah, and that's where I think the misunderstanding of empathy comes because they go, oh you're an empath, you can absorb, you know what people are feeling, but what you're saying is no, I can I can show empathy by demonstrating that I understand where you're coming from without actually absorbing the feeling or adopting or converting to your way of beliefs, right? Complete and total awareness does not cause it does not mean that you have to shoulder, you have to be aware of it. I mean different analogies Help people get it in different ways. I first learned this approach when I volunteered at a crisis hotline back in the 1990s and they told us back then if somebody's in quicksand, you don't help them by getting into the quicksand with them, right? And and the guy in Quicksand, if he wants out of the quicksand, you don't want you jumping in with him. That doesn't do him any good. Now we're both the quicksand when we're both screwed, get back out of here and throw me a rope, you know pull me out but don't don't jump in here with me. It doesn't help me, right? So now you're you're in a negotiation uh and you want to make a deal happen. Obviously you understand the implications from the business side. Like hey if the if we can make a deal happen, this is positive. If if we can make a deal happen or the customer's going, of course if we can make a deal happen, I get what I want as well. Um But you talk about there that there are different words that can be used to make the negotiations go much more smoothly or in order to effectively communicate with the other party. Um You talk about fair ah The F. Word F bomb. Yeah the f the F bomb. The negotiation. Why is that? Like what is it about that word that makes it so powerful. Well first of all it comes up in every every negotiation. He just comes up all the time. You know, I love when I run across people who are seasoned negotiators. I'm sitting at breakfast yesterday with a uh Hollywood insider who's been here for a long time has made his bones and it's a great reputation if nothing else with all the bad reputations in Hollywood. This guy is got a great reputation for dealing with people quote fairly. And we're sitting at breakfast just getting to know each other and we talk about negotiations and he says, my side knows that when I say this is unfair, we are just about to walk out of the room and I just remember thinking like yeah man, I'm telling you what if you're telling me in deals for you know, $100 million movies you're dropping yet bomb...

...then everybody does so All right. So the original question, what does that mean? If I say I just want what's fair I'm accusing you of being unfair. Sure. And that jabs people instantly. It's it's you know what my friends, Sheila Heen and Doug Stone would refer to in their book difficult conversations that causes an identity quake. It can rattle us. So and people throw out, you know saying this is unfair. I just want what's fair one of 2 ways um intentionally it's so powerful. It knocks people off their feet and often you know, it's like strategic umbridge false anger. I can get my way with you in this deal and it will bother you for a very long time and of course I'll pay for it. So um I can do it can manipulate you or some people when they've been pushed too far and they're trying to deal honestly and they just don't know what's wrong. They will drop the f bomb and it's a really bad sign because they feel misused by so you've got to really be aware of when it's being used and who's using it and line up as to, you know, do they really feel like I'm cheating them because I got to make some adjustments if I if they do feel that way or they trying to cut my throat, you got to know which one of those two they are, right? And so you, because I even notice and I'm like slapping myself, I say I don't say it all the time, but I do say it on occasion and now, you know, after I've I've learned about this, I go, oh man, there's probably way better words I could have or better terms that I could have expressed myself and then just like implying, you know, I'm going to be fair now, but I wasn't being fair before there's all sorts of implications like that when you start getting into it, you know what you're implying and the other side is picking up is exactly right couple of more questions for you, kind of continuing down this thought. Um, Most deals, especially as it pertains to business and as car dealers are thinking about this, they're probably, you know, they're listening and they're going well, Michael, okay, well, if I don't speak in monetary terms and what's fair and all these sorts of things, how do, how can I make a deal happen if I'm to kind of pivot around this in a more, let's call it creative way without necessarily talking in monetary terms or what not. Um, Most people, I just want to be hurt. So whatever that percentage is, whether it's 1% or whether it's 90% sure my...

...money is important enough to me, then I'm not gonna part with any of it. If I can preserve it by hearing the other side out. That's why it's my first move. That's the cheapest thing I can do. My money is important to me. Plus if I'm throwing money at the problem, if I'm making monetary moves concessions when the other side just wants to be heard, then I'm applying the wrong medicine, so they're still going to be unhappy and it's still going, it's still going to uh, not bear well from a long time. You know, people want to trust the other side. Trust, take the word trust out, put in a word predictable, become predictable for you. The same, become steady, become reliable. Don't make them wonder what they're getting in the exchange that will save your dollars. I mean negotiation great negotiation skills are really for people that want to stop wasting their money trying to throw money at solutions when money wasn't called for in the first place. My money is important enough to me. I like keeping in my bank account. Sure. And so the assumption most of us assume while this is a sales deal or this is a business transaction or some sort of something where there will be benefit, let's just automatically go to money. Because we assume everybody, that's the thing people care about most when it you know it does for something like you're saying and it may not for others it's a lazy move. Just just really lazy and the percentage of time when it doesn't actually solve the problem is high enough that I want to I want to make sure I'm using the right solution. Yeah, I love it. Last question for you before we wind this thing down, I've absolutely loved this conversation. Yeah. You talk about, I mean this is this all really comes down to communication when it's whether it's looking somebody in the eye whether it's sensing what they're getting at or understanding their feelings or any of these things. You talk about how most communication is nonverbal. Uh and and so anybody in this kind of position of I guess I don't know the right words to use controlling the negotiation or being in charge of or being a steward of the negotiation, you talk about how they should develop the ability to uh understand or interpret body language, but not just body language, also tone of voice. How does how do you do that? What should be looking for? Because we here this whole time. It sounds cool. Oh yeah, interpret body language. I wouldn't honestly I wouldn't even know the first thing about what I should be looking for. All right, So the hack is it's winter things out of line. Um This is one of the things that I talked about in my ted talk. You know, a polygraph doesn't look for all your different tells. A polygrapher...

...puts you on the box and ask you a series of control questions. So you can see what you look like when you're telling the truth? Like you might have seven ways you lie, but you've got one way you tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you've got one way to tell the truth. And then of course, if you don't tell the truth, you're never an alignment consistently on truth questions and you know that the person is deceptive all the time. That's what that means. So, you sit down in a polygraph, they say, what's your name? What day is it? Where are you would you have for breakfast? All questions that in advance we know what the answers are. And I want to see what you're gonna look like when you tell the truth, then when we move forward, all I got to know is that you're out of line now you pick this up in your individual interactions. That's why, you know, we want to go to dinner with somebody, we want to have social conversations. Hey, you know how many kids you got, you know, where are they in school? You know, this social interactions is also our subconscious mind, which is ridiculously powerful. Computer Is picking up what they look like when they're being genuine, you know? Yeah, I just got one son, he's 33 works in my business. You know, whatever the answer might be, you're starting to get a gut instinct of what I look like when I'm being genuine. Now, you don't have to, you don't have to know what all the different ways I might be deceptive. But the minute I come out of that, you know, you're gonna, you're gonna start to get a funny feeling, gonna start to wonder most people, you know, I got to give the benefit of data, it's me, you know, I need another cup of coffee or you know, whatever it is. But in point of fact, they've come out of their truth the line so you don't have to learn all the body language. You just gotta let the super computer that is, your intuition begin to pick up the data and then once you understand it also that it's an issue of alignment. Then when they're out of line, you know, there's a problem. Mhm. Yeah, I'm Michel Cirillo and you've been listening to the dealer Playbook podcast. If you haven't yet, please click the subscribe button wherever you're listening right now, leave a rating or review and share it with a colleague. Thanks for listening. Mm hmm.

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